My Misery Didn’t Need Company

By: Silvo M., Transformations Alumnus

I started drinking and using drugs when I was 16, it all started with having fun until it wasn’t anymore. I used to glamorize the use of alcohol and drugs especially as a teenager. At the time, I just wanted to fit in and be accepted. Time went on and my drug use caused me legal problems. While that stopped my drug use for a brief time, alcohol would become my best friend. Despite my alcohol abuse, I still didn’t think I had a problem because in my head alcoholics drink everyday and at that time I wasn’t drinking everyday but my life around me was becoming chaotic and I didn’t even see it happening.

At the age of 21 I got in a relationship that put my alcohol demon to sleep for a couple of months, however that relationship eventually would become problematic and toxic due to my alcohol use. I mean who, with a healthy mindset, wants to stay with someone that is clearly causing their own destruction and not seeking any help for their obvious problem (alcoholism).

Furthermore, the relationship eventually ended which triggered a deep depression in me and my alcohol abuse only got worse and eventually went back to using and abusing drugs as well. My life around me became chaotic and toxic, burning bridges, losing jobs, and getting into more legal issues that made my life harder than it already was. My insanity didn’t let me see that I was reaching rock bottom, I was still in denial about my problem, interventions were done, ultimatums were made both personal and professional, however my misery didn’t need company, it needed an audience.

My life by 27 had become depressing, pathetic, and unmanageable. I had truly reached rock bottom but I still did not seek help. Finally, things took a turn in 2020. I had enough, I was sure I wasn’t going to make it to 30 because my life had become so awful and not worth fighting for. However, there was a grain of hope in me to change sparked by the pain I was causing others. I made a call to a rehab in February 2020 and my long journey to recovery finally began.

I didn’t get sober the first time I went to rehab. It took many trials and errors before truly becoming honest with myself. Part of my process and long journey to recovery consisted of three rehab centers and detoxes before my life finally started to change. I‘ve since made a new life for myself and things have gotten drastically better, I have healthy hobbies, I take things one day at a time, I can honestly say that this last few years I have done more than I did in my 20s, going to meetings and having a higher power has been absolutely vital for my recovery.

My life has changed for the better and it all started with that one call that I made back in 2020. Nothing that’s worth it is easy and it takes work but I can tell you from experience, life does get better. I have turned my life around from a negative to a positive. Anything is possible as long as you work for it and put your sobriety first. I can finally say I’m happy and at peace. I know as long as I’m sober there’s going to be many more things I’m capable of achieving.