By: Mike Murphy, Manager of Alumni Services
If you’re like most people out there, you are on some platform or another when it comes to social media. And if you’re really like most people, you have more than one platform that you utilize. I know I am guilty of poly-socializing. Nowadays, it’s not just friends sharing updates or pics of their food and/or pets. Social media has become something way more than that. It’s where people get news from, financial advice to even health advice. It’s also where a lot of people get opinions. Either from others or giving their own to strangers via their cellular telephone’s capabilities. And let’s not forget about the people who make their living from social media. The influencers. And I guess to be able to call yourself an influencer, that would mean that at some point you must have influenced someone.
Now don’t get me wrong, here. Not all social media is a bad thing. I know it has become this gigantic virtual superhighway of information and there are plenty of good things that have come from it, daily, but it’s also full of spiderwebs and rabbit holes. Those rabbit holes run DEEP. How often have you found yourself going on Instagram to check something and 2 hours later you’re still on it? Either doom-scrolling or stuck in an abyss of 10-second streams. Is this really what we want to be doing with our already very limited time on this earth? Are these the types of experiences we want? But most importantly, what is it doing to your mind and you, as a person?
As a person in recovery, there are quite a few things I need to be careful or mindful of. One of the main ones is acting out on old behaviors, and that is exactly what I found myself doing recently. For the most part, in my sobriety I have treated social media as a platform to showcase my sobriety and where it has brought me in life. Not in a showing-off type of way, but to show that this can work. If I am being honest, it has worked wonderfully. I have had quite a few people reach out to me because of it. However I noticed this was not the only thing I was utilizing social media for, and while I was taking note of it, it had not become apparent to me the extent. That was until I found myself commenting on an acquaintance’s post regarding men’s mental health. Seriously. Of all the things. As we see very regularly, every post nowadays must have a troll. And on this day, the troll got me. It got me good. Before I knew it, I was 4 more comments in, trying to debate the troll. This debate of wits ended when he suggested we result in fisticuffs. The troll actually used that term: fisticuffs. I wasn’t even mad. I was impressed.
After that last comment, I didn’t comment back. But the damage was done. I was all riled up and had that tightness in my chest that you get when you really want to unload on someone else. And in the time it took me to walk from my door to the elevator, it dawned on me. In the past few months, I can pinpoint almost every time I have gotten really bent out of shape. And probably around 70% of the time it has been because of something on social media. The other 30% is reserved for South Florida traffic. I mean, c’mon. You can’t fault me for that. But in those 70%, I remember wasting not only time, but energy on feeding into someone else’s shit. OR I was the one force feeding my shit onto others. When they didn’t like it? I didn’t like it. This was very prevalent in pre-sobriety Michael Murphy. I realized in me doing this, and partaking in cyber duals with trolls, I was reverting to old behaviors. I was moving backwards. Not to mention I was turning my back on what I had intended to use social media for. It was no longer for the benefit of others, but to feed my own ego through my opinions and beliefs.
By the time I made it downstairs and began walking out the door, my mind was made up. It was time to take a break from social media. This was no longer serving me a purpose. Or a positive one, at least. I had to accept that I was spending way too much time on it. Time that could be better spent doing other things with my life. While I knew I needed to step away, I didn’t know if this was going to be a permanent thing, or just temporary to get myself back in a better frame of mind. If I am being honest here, I was a little worried. Here I am, a person that has kicked booze and cigarettes (cigs were definitely harder than the booze) worried about not logging on to Facebook/Instagram to see daily/hourly/by the minute nonsense. This is also when you know you may have a problem. You are looking at something in the same light you have for something that almost killed you. My mind was made up. That day moving forward, for an unknown amount of time, I was putting it away.
I am now two months into this self-imposed social media fasting. Surprisingly enough, it hasn’t been much of a struggle. I still have my work Facebook because well, it’s part of my job. But I’ll only go on there when I need to post something or maybe try reaching someone on messenger. As for my actual personal accounts? I have only logged on twice and that was only to check and make sure I didn’t have any messages or DMs from people who may not have my number. As I mentioned earlier, I was able to use my socials in the past to help others on more than one occasion. I didn’t want to leave anyone in the dark because of my own sanctioning. Aside from that, I haven’t gone near it and it’s been pretty rewarding. I have already noticed a change in my sleep. While I still struggle to get “normal” sleep, I have noticed that I do seem to wake up a little more rested and I am certainly able to fall asleep quicker than I normally would. A large part of this I believe is also due to the amount I have been reading. I have always been a big reader, but for a while it wasn’t at the level I would have liked. Since putting my social media down, I have picked up AND FINISHED multiple books. Having a book in front of your face before bedtime is much better than the blue screen of your phone. Shoot, even my credit score went up. I’ll attribute this to my spending which has decreased, as well. These people know how to market, and they know how to market well.
The final thing that I have noticed is arguably the most important. My mental health. When I set off with this social media fast, it was because of my interaction with a complete stranger and how it left me feeling. I’m sure that this will come as no surprise, but since I started this, I have not had one negative interaction with a stranger. And wouldn’t you know it? I feel pretty alright. The only opinions I get now are from the people I am speaking with face to face on a day-to-day basis. I’m also not interjecting myself into conversations started by other people to make sure I let everyone know how I feel, and that they should probably feel that way too. I mean, think about it. If you heard two people on the street having a conversation and you didn’t agree with something you heard, you probably wouldn’t walk up and interrupt the people to give your side. Or maybe you would? And if you would, listen to me now like you have never listened to me before……Don’t do that.
I will leave you with this. As a society, far too many of us have grown comfortable with treating our lives as a profile or a handle. It is creating a character of yourself that may not be the best version of you. It certainly is not authentic. We are becoming actual SIMS characters. We have a very limited amount of time in this life. It would be an absolute shame to spend it looking at a screen as much as we do. Look up, have a conversation, breathe it all in. TAKE PART IN YOUR LIFE. NOT A SIMULATION OF IT.
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