By: Tony, Transformations Alumnus
Hi family. My name is Tony and I’m definitely an addict. I am from a small, coastal town called Havelock in rural North Carolina. I am the oldest of 10 children even though I was raised as an only child by my grandparents. This as well as other factors led me to believe I had a disease in early childhood. Dis, meaning NOT, along with EASE, let me know that I truly had a disease. NOT AT EASE in my own skin. DISEASE. I come from a family of alcoholics and drug addicts so I truly believe that I was predestined to be the same. My childhood was normal by most standards. I did what kids do which was playing outside, sports and occasional fights. I have a people-pleasing nature and an overwhelming desire to be liked and wanting to fit in. This led me to follow the crowd and do whatever the crowd was doing. Smoking, drinking, stealing, etc. If you did it and I was around you, then I did it. The only trauma in my childhood was watching my house burn to the ground due to an electrical fire. We lost everything except the clothes on our backs. This caused mental issues that I wouldn’t know and recognize until years later. As I got older, I began to excel in basketball. While I had college division 1 talent, I had VERY poor grades. I left home and went to a junior college in California. That was a total disaster. I was already drinking and getting high prior to arriving in California so once I found a weed connection along with something new to me called SEX, I didn’t care about anything else. I got kicked off my team after a year of redshirting and I decided to join the Army. This was in October of 1986.
I reported to Boot Camp in January of 1987 and this was a total shock. Thanks to information I had received from friends and marines from my hometown, I recognized the game and it made me a better man and gave me the discipline I was craving. I was now a regular Army soldier and being stationed overseas, I drank more than usual. I had good friends but our activities usually involved drinking. I was able to maintain due to my age and fitness level but I was just an average service member. Drinking until the wee hours of the morning kept me from being the BEST I COULD BE. I met a young lady and we got married. During our marriage, we had 2 children and after finding out some shocking news, I started using drugs. At first, it became a coping mechanism, then it became a habit and ultimately it became a necessity. I was honorably discharged from the Army and things went down hill. I was out of the service with 2 small children, a rocky marriage and not knowing what to do with myself. Drugs eventually took over my life and I lost everything that wasn’t drug related. Including my family. I lived 20 years of my life as a drug addict. Yes, I did have times when I got clean and sober but those times never lasted long. I would eventually relapse and live the life of a hardcore drug addict and alcoholic. I began to think that this was my life and I was destined to be what I was.
In May of 2018, the night before my birthday, my daughter called and asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told her nothing but she insisted so I had her order me a pizza, some wings, and a soda. Once I picked up my food, I went back to the room I was living in and cried. I was about to turn another year older tomorrow and is this what my life had come down to? My little girl had to buy a grown man something to eat because I had spent my money on drugs and alcohol. I swore right then and there that I surrender and I meant it THIS TIME. The next day I went to the local VA hospital and checked myself in. The VA sent me to this place called TRANSFORMATIONS and I was ready to receive help. I have been to treatment so many times that I lost count but this time it was different. I acted like this was my very first time in treatment and I did EVERYTHING I was told and suggested to do. I let my pride and ego down and became teachable. I did all my assignments and once I graduated from Transformations, I continued taking part in my own recovery. I went to a sober house to live, I became a manager and managed for over a year. I got a sponsor, called my sponsor, worked steps with my sponsor and eventually started sponsoring others. I STAYED OUT OF RELATIONSHIPS FOR OVER A YEAR. I finally took the time to work on the broken person I was. I became trustworthy, gained integrity and slowly became a man of good character.
Softball became a big part of my recovery and with help from Transformations, I was able to start an alumni softball team. I entered the team in a local recreation league in Boca Raton and guess what? WE WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP!!! For 3 seasons!!! Shoutout to Lisa Fluxman and the alumni staff for their support. This lead to me starting a non-profit called Clean and Sober Sports Inc. I help the community with food drives, school supplies, disaster supplies and helping other non-profits raise funds for causes like rescue animals and wounded veterans. I want to show others that you can have fun in recovery without drinking and drugging. I am now a mental health counselor at the West Palm Beach VA Hospital going on 3 years, helping veterans overcome their mental health issues and help them reach their goals. On May 10th of this year, I will have 6 years clean and sober and life couldn’t be better. I am the poster child that we do recover and find a new way to live serene, drug and alcohol free. Thanks to Transformations and all those who have supported me on my journey. This thing called recovery really works if you just believe and do the work. It will even work if you don’t believe and do the work. You just have to do the work.
Thanks,
Tony
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