By: Mike Murphy, Manager of Alumni Services
If there is one thing Marines like, it’s a good acronym. And fortunately for me, A.A. is chock full of ‘em. But the one
that sticks out to me most is H.O.W.
H – onesty
O- pen-Mindedness
W- illingness
I’m fairly certain it sticks out to me because it was the first one I learned, but I could be wrong. Because when I heard about it, I was in detox and if you’ve ever been, you know things can be a little fuzzy there at best. One thing is for certain, it stuck. And even to this day, I try to practice it regularly, if not daily.
The honesty aspect of this is pretty self-explanatory but it is certainly not easy. When I got to detox, I knew one thing was for certain; It was time to get honest not only with myself but with everyone around me. Including doctors, nurses, and therapists. People I had been flat-out lying to for most of my adult life. But, if you truly want to get better, these are definitely not the right people to be lying to.
As far as family and friends go? I had only scratched the surface of that when I told them I needed help. I knew once I got home from Transformations, I had a lot of explaining to do. And if you’re anything like me, you thought it was going to be horrific, not realizing that by being honest with them about my alcoholism, the rest wasn’t so bad. Turned out, I had already taken care of the most challenging part by just admitting it and being honest about wanting/needing help. Who knew alcoholics would overthink so much? And obviously, honesty doesn’t come to a screeching halt when you leave treatment. If you expect to maintain your sobriety, you had better ditch your old lying, scheming, manipulative ways. Otherwise, your chances are grim at best.
Ahh, Open-Mindedness. My favorite. And boy am I glad I took a liking to it from early on. When I got to Transformations, I had never even stepped foot in an A.A. meeting. Shoot, I was convinced “The Big Book” was the Bible. Since I had no idea where I was or what I was about to get into, I decided I better keep an open mind about this process. From the things I was going to be told/taught, to the people I was about to meet. If there was one thing in this world I was not in the position to be, it was judgmental.
As a matter of fact, remaining Open-Minded has become one of the biggest tools in my arsenal. A common question I get is, “What do you do for fun, now??” And to be honest, I have found fun and interest in things that I may have laughed at and/or rolled my eyeballs into the back of my skull so hard I could see yesterday, before. For instance, the other night I was walking by a bookstore I frequent and saw an advertisement for a Candle Magick and Manifestation Seminar. I have no knowledge of anything of the sort. But, it was something new and it intrigued me. That’s all it took. Take my money and teach me about candles, damn it! Oh, or the time at a coffee shop where I found a business card for Sacral Cranial Therapy. A quick google search on it and I read about the benefits of it for people with migraines and head/neck trauma. Why not?! Look, I could go on and on about the strange and random crap I get myself into, but the point is this; Through remaining open-minded, I have learned so much about things I never knew existed. Which is kind of what life is all about, right? Also, it’s rarely boring.
Last but DEFINITELY not least, Willingness. And this has to be a key player from day one. If you are not going to be willing to do whatever it takes, this is going to be an uphill battle for you, I’m afraid. Willingness comes in many different forms. This doesn’t apply to just being willing TO DO things but also willing TO FEEL things. The willingness to get up and go to that meeting even when you don’t want to. That willingness to go to that therapy appointment even though it’s raining out and there is a Back to the Future marathon on (this actually happened). That willingness to sit with your feelings and emotions and process them in a healthy manner. No matter how difficult it may be. The willingness to accept that in order to prevent you from going back to that mess you came from, you are going to have to continue the maintenance of your life and recovery.
Another acronym we hear a lot in A.A. is O.D.A.A.T.: One Day At A Time. And you may be surprised, but if you can apply honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness each and every day, it makes for a pretty manageable life and prevents you from going back to the FMLs and the SMDHs we had come to know and love in our past.
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