By: Jen H., Transformations Alumna
Sober date: 5/26/2020
“Recovery is the only high that keeps getting better as I do.”
I was a heavy drinker and loved to go out since my early twenties. As a pharmaceutical sales rep, it was basically part of my job. About five years ago the drinking caught up with me and my life became unmanageable. I was no longer the life of the party. I was a stay-at-home mom that was now drinking all day. I was still great at hiding it, so I thought. I would drink in the morning to stop the shakes and then pick back up early afternoon when I was done driving for the day. I was numb all the time and slowly killing myself.
One evening in the fall of 2018 my two boys were asleep and my husband was out of town working. I got down on my knees and prayed. I begged, pleaded, and cried for God to help me stop drinking. Minutes later I got up to leave the room. While walking I twisted my ankle, heard a loud cracking noise, and fell to the floor. Alone, drunk, and with a broken ankle, I looked up and yelled, “Is this some kind of cruel joke, God?” It was not. It was the beginning of the answer to my prayer. At home with a cast, I drank so much I couldn’t function anymore and this led to my first stay in treatment.
I still went reluctantly and made all the mistakes I was warned about. An attractive fellow addict helped me through my 28 days and I thought I was fine. Needless to say, the relapse happened quickly and about a year later I did some research and decided to go to Transformations. This time I was more willing to accept that I was an alcoholic and knew I had to put my all into my recovery. I felt ready when I finished treatment, confident in my ability to stay sober. Looking back I realize I was too confident. I didn’t put my sobriety first. No meetings and no sponsor. I was too busy doing things for my family. I relapsed less than 90 days later and did enough damage over my three-day bender that I was all alone. Drunk and not sure where to turn, I called transformations again. Thank God I did. I received so much support I was able to pick my head up and choose to live. It was one year ago that I truly surrendered. I cried, prayed, and listened intently. I gained strength in hearing others’ stories and that gave me hope. Real hope.
Doing things my way was over. I was finally willing to do whatever it takes. I let go of the “poor me” narrative that I was gripping to and gained strength and motivation to follow what others had done in their recovery. I prayed to my higher power daily. I talked to him even though I analyzed if I was “praying the right way?” I just kept talking. Things took such a positive turn. I did as I was told and went to over 100 meetings the first 90 days and got a sponsor.
Today my recovery is still my number one priority. I have a peacefulness inside that I never knew existed. I have had many “God moments,” and I thank him every day. For the first time in my life, I feel safe and protected. I can get through the daily struggles without hurting myself. A true miracle!! I am eternally grateful for Transformations. The healing and knowledge I gained there have forever changed me.
If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out!