Peacefulness I Never Knew Existed

By: Jen H., Transformations Alumna

Sober date: 5/26/2020

“Recovery is the only high that keeps getting better as I do.”

I was a heavy drinker and loved to go out since my early twenties.  As a pharmaceutical sales rep, it was basically part of my job.  About five years ago the drinking caught up with me and my life became unmanageable.  I was no longer the life of the party.  I was a stay-at-home mom that was now drinking all day.  I was still great at hiding it, so I thought. I would drink in the morning to stop the shakes and then pick back up early afternoon when I was done driving for the day. I was numb all the time and slowly killing myself.

One evening in the fall of 2018 my two boys were asleep and my husband was out of town working.  I got down on my knees and prayed.  I begged, pleaded, and cried for God to help me stop drinking.  Minutes later I got up to leave the room. While walking I twisted my ankle, heard a loud cracking noise, and fell to the floor. Alone, drunk, and with a broken ankle, I looked up and yelled, “Is this some kind of cruel joke, God?” It was not.  It was the beginning of the answer to my prayer.  At home with a cast, I drank so much I couldn’t function anymore and this led to my first stay in treatment.

I still went reluctantly and made all the mistakes I was warned about.  An attractive fellow addict helped me through my 28 days and I thought I was fine.  Needless to say, the relapse happened quickly and about a year later I did some research and decided to go to Transformations. This time I was more willing to accept that I was an alcoholic and knew I had to put my all into my recovery.  I felt ready when I finished treatment, confident in my ability to stay sober.  Looking back I realize I was too confident.  I didn’t put my sobriety first.  No meetings and no sponsor.  I was too busy doing things for my family.  I relapsed less than 90 days later and did enough damage over my three-day bender that I was all alone.  Drunk and not sure where to turn, I called transformations again.  Thank God I did.  I received so much support I was able to pick my head up and choose to live.  It was one year ago that I truly surrendered.  I cried, prayed, and listened intently. I gained strength in hearing others’ stories and that gave me hope.  Real hope.

Doing things my way was over. I was finally willing to do whatever it takes. I let go of the “poor me” narrative that I was gripping to and gained strength and motivation to follow what others had done in their recovery.  I prayed to my higher power daily.  I talked to him even though I analyzed if I was “praying the right way?” I just kept talking.  Things took such a positive turn.  I did as I was told and went to over 100 meetings the first 90 days and got a sponsor.

Today my recovery is still my number one priority.  I have a peacefulness inside that I never knew existed.  I have had many “God moments,” and I thank him every day.  For the first time in my life, I feel safe and protected. I can get through the daily struggles without hurting myself.  A true miracle!! I am eternally grateful for Transformations. The healing and knowledge I gained there have forever changed me.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out!