Hello, my name is Danyelle and I am a recovering alcoholic/addict. I began to use at the tender age of 12. It all began with cigarettes, pot, and alcohol. I was the youngest child and my sister was always with her older friends leaving me alone and lonely. My mother worked nights so she was not home after school so I could do pretty much anything I wanted. I found friendship when I began using and drinking with my grownup neighbors. I felt like I finally had a purpose and was “cool” because I was doing what grown-ups did. The attention I was receiving seemed positive at the time, but now I know it was so wrong and bad. I felt like I was pretty and wanted by these older boys and all I needed was to be high and drunk and it was easy for me to do what they liked.
My dad moved to Texas after my parents divorced when I was five years old. When I was 14 we got into contact and after my 8th-grade year, I decided I wanted to move to Texas with him. My freshman year was great. I was popular and did not have to use drugs or alcohol for people to like me, but the summer before my sophomore year I met a 19-year-old guy. He was the first person who introduced me to cocaine. After my first time using cocaine, I was hooked! I was using cocaine, alcohol, pot, and ecstasy. When school started back up, I began skipping school literally the first day to do powder and chill with my grown friends. By October I quit school. Within two months, I started shooting up meth with another older friend, and this continued for quite some time. This run was such a painful one; I was a 16-year-old, full-blown junkie.
Finally, my dad sent me to a state-run rehab facility where I stayed for 28 days. I kept away from meth, but I was still doing everything else that I had always done. When I was 20, I started doing meth again and ended up in jail within eight months of this run. When I was released after a 63-day stay, I remained clean for a month. I started drinking every night, still convincing myself this was normal behavior.
My dad was killed in a horrible 18-wheeler accident when I was 22. This pain was something I had never experienced before, and I turned to pain killers to try to numb my feelings. After my newfound love for pain killers, I met the love of my life… or at least that’s what I thought! This relationship was the most toxic part of my life and I soon was reintroduced to meth and turned back into a full-blown addict. At 25, I had my first child and thought my whole life and relationship would be fixed. I was very wrong. At 27 I started shooting meth again. I was then homeless with a 1-year-old and again, I was a junkie. Thankfully, I was able to fly to Florida and go to rehab. Unfortunately, I went back to the same toxic relationship and stayed sober for a short six months when I found out I was pregnant again, and this time I got clean on my own. When my 2nd daughter was six weeks old, I started using meth once again. This was my last, worst run. The abuse I endured, the wrongs I did, the vicious cycle of addiction, and my toxic, abusive relationship. I knew this time that the only thing to do was for me to get clean and never return to this type of life. I wanted so badly to die, I was already dead on the inside anyway. My mental health was so bad due to the meth and abusive relationship.
I started searching for the best treatment center I could find and I found Transformations!!! I then had to find childcare from my family who really did not have much faith in me because after I had gotten clean in the past, I just relapsed and went back to the same environment. I begged and pleaded for my Higher Power to help me. When I got Transformations in Florida, I was just a shell of a body. I remember my therapist asking me on my first day, “Why have you come to Transformations?” I started crying so hard and said, “I just want to love me again.” I stayed at Transformations for the recommended amount of time and then was discharged. Since I have been home, I have stayed in touch with my Higher Power. Every single day I wake up and I make the choice to remain sober by consistently staying away from anyone and anything that has to do with drugs or alcohol. I attend recovery church and try to stay regularly active within the church. I am genuinely happy on the inside now. I never thought I would be the woman and mother I am today. I have a great job, I pay my bills, I take care of my children and I am the person I always used to admire and envy. Life is hard still sometimes sober but doing life high was so much harder. I HAVE 1 YEAR SOBER NOW! It always seemed so distant and unrealistic for me to make it to a whole year sober, but here I am doing it and doing it well. My sober date is 5/1/19!
If you or someone you know are struggling with substance abuse and/or mental health issues, please reach out!