By: Emily B., Transformations Alumna
I was 23 and I had just relapsed after 6 months because my mom wouldn’t let me have a car and I couldn’t handle my emotions. (thinking back I knew that wasn’t the real reason). I relapsed for a total of 2 days and was already doing and selling substances. The thought in my head wasn’t “I’m going to go get drugs or drink” but I didn’t feel “good”. All of a sudden, some guy passed me on a bike and asked me for a cigarette and in that split second I asked if he had any drugs. (not my exact words but for the sake of bad language) And that’s how it happens. Looking back at that moment I realize that I was powerless over drugs and alcohol. I drink or use that abruptly even if my intention is not to do so. I drink because I like the effects produced by alcohol and when I’m sober I feel uncomfortable, miserable and empty.
I went to transformations after that. I learned how to put my emotions on paper. How to identify how I’m feeling and that “fine” is not an emotion.
I graduated and joined a 12 step fellowship and moved forward with my life surrounding myself with people who had what I wanted. I got a sponsor and surrendered my will, because obviously I had no idea what was best for me. I later learned that my higher power presents itself through others and as long as I’m honest, help people and practice certain principles in all my affairs.
My higher power has blessed me with being able to own my own home, my own vehicle, and my own business. I have a 6 month old son and a beautiful wife. I have a home group and I do my best to surrender each day so that I can see truth in my life and my decisions.
Today I try to make the world a better place by focusing on others and trying my best not to take myself too seriously.