By Jason C. – VA Alumnus

 

When I was young, older I dreamed of being

Make my own decisions, the whole world I would be seeing

I’d be responsible, and a trophy I would marry

All the rules of my youth would be mine to carry

 

The responsibilities of being a man, I couldn’t wait to get there

I’d be the best dad ever, I’d take my kids everywhere

I would never divorce, like my parents before me

Or put them through the pain I felt with no identity

 

I would work hard and I would provide

Together we would be whole and never divide

I’d be the one to count on, a good man

I’d be the one to look up to, giving everything I have

 

I’d be a great husband, greater than the men who came prior

A family that would go to church, maybe sing in the choir

But as I got older, it wasn’t what I dreamed

I started drinking in the middle of my teens

 

I didn’t face my problems or remembered the dreams before

I wasn’t ever ready, I was immature to the core

The only way to deal with things that came my way

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I used everyday

 

Nothing else seemed to matter, but trying not to feel

All the pain I caused it all seemed so unreal

I didn’t see it coming until my family wasn’t there

The wife, the kids, the dreams, all because of beer

 

This life is not what I wanted; those dreams seem so long ago

I became what I hated, I became what I loathe

I couldn’t stand what I became, so I went to what I know

I escaped from reality, just an adult that didn’t grow

 

The kids kept growing, I missed them being little

But because of drinking our relationship is brittle

I cannot be this man, one you cannot trust

So I’ve decided to make a change, facing fears is a must

 

Confronting all my problems, I’m trying to get sober

Thinking back to early days, I pray now the dreams aren’t over

I’m dreaming bigger dreams now, another chance I have been given

To be the man I dreamt to be, it time to start living

 

Finally I feel ready, those early dreams still beam

It’s not exactly as I thought; now I dream of being clean

Facing all the wreckage and disappointments of from the past

I can still be the man I dreamt, but I know it won’t be fast

I know it will take a lot of work to face those broken dreams

But to grow from that little boy, it’s the only way, it seems

As painful as life has been, what I wouldn’t give

To be the luckiest one of all, one who gets two lives to live

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